I am just going to dive straight in.... 8 months ago I said goodbye to Adderall forever. For all you who have quit, you will understand it’s not easy. I was prescribed when I was 8 years old and I am now 29. Although I didn’t take it straight all 21 of those years, it was something that I did believe was a tool to make me succeed. I struggled at school and it very much affected my self confidence. Art was always my strength. In other subjects, the phrase “I am not good enough” hits home. Adderall put my mind on things that I didn’t want to, or didn’t know how to think about. But what I awoke to over and over again, was how numb it made me feel. I had a lot of things shaking inside me last fall, and the biggest one was “get the fuck off this drug.” It was such a love-hate relationship. I loved how it made me work hours like I wasn’t human; I felt like superwoman.
After last Christmas season, I was shaken. I made a ton of huge decisions because my soul gave me no choice. I picked up, moved home, and bought a house. Along with all the changes, I had the intention to quit adderall. I knew I wanted to quit, but at the same time I was terrified. So many fears....all aligned with the general idea of “am I enough? Do I have it in me to work without it? How will I find a way to focus and get things done?
I let all the changes unfold that I manifested. I moved home and bought a house. A month later, the day happened where I woke up and flushed all the pills down the toilet. There was no turning back, my heart and mind didn’t think twice. The detox was hard. Really hard. My brain chemicals were depleted, my body needed healing. I would drink a whole French press of coffee and still have to get back in bed because there was no energy in me. The whole process took months (honestly took 5 months until I felt great). Luckily I had two best friends who quit around the same time, so we had each other to talk to. It was nice having someone understand how real the changes being made were. The hardest part, was dropping the expectations we once had of ourselves. Cultivating self love, so we nurtured ourselves through the process... because patience is real! I share all this because I believe Adderall should be talked about. The documentary Adderall Epidemic on Netflix paints a picture of how reliant our society is. I know me and my friends are not the only three who have gone through this. It’s a vulnerable thing to talk about, and I want to be here for anyone who wants to quit. I learned so much quitting: through meditation, natural supplements, etc. *There are natural ways to create focus.* For me, it is still an on going process, because self-growth is endless. But I would love to share natural ways to grab ahold of your focus, for anyone who is going through this.
What I’ve noticed since this process is: relationships are stronger, I am more present, passion is stronger, creativity is on fire, I feel over all SO MUCH healthier mentally and physically. And I actually *love* my ADD. I think it is my tool. I think it takes creativity and personality to a new level. I feel more myself than ever.
I’ve been a bit MIA on social media this year, especially earlier this year because of this journey. My first abstract series was a big celebration. That was my first series since I moved home. The energy and inspiration was there and feels beaming now.
I love you all and I’m so grateful for y’alls support! Excited about where am I and what’s to come... ️ I’d love to hear from anyone who wants to talk about this!
I’m working on a blog post in how to embrace ADD and the natural ways to move on from Adderall (that I personally found helpful). Stay tuned <3